Hope: When You Don’t Have Hope

:: this post is part of the ‘hope’ series. it includes bits + pieces of  my journey with depression, anxiety + insomnia with the hope that it will illuminate, expose, + help ::



It’s something I’ve been wanting to pen down for this series for some time now, but the words never seemed right enough to give me the confidence to hit ‘publish’.

Personally, I wouldn’t say that I have been ‘suicidal’ as such. It’s true, in the morning I didn’t see the point in getting out of bed, or leaving the house. And sleeping away my days seemed like the only thing I was able to do.

Deep inside myself though, I had a tiny spark of hope telling me that life will get better. I also had a handful of the best of friends + family who were simply ‘there’, who I knew I could talk to to whenever + wherever, + they wouldn’t judge but would listen + love.

But I know that if I hadn’t have received or started the process of becoming better when I did, that spark of hope would definitely become dimmer over time + I’d soon be walking in the dark.


The thing about suicide is that each journey to its end destination is different.

Some may take very few steps propelled by an incident that happened in their world, making them feel as though there is no other possible way out.

For others, it slowly pulls + draws them in through depression over a longer period of time.

But the one thing I’ve noticed about all suicides is that there’s always one reason behind it:

they no longer have hope.


If someone has hope they see a light at the end of their tunnel, giving them the motivation to see the season through.

But when you don’t have hope, you can’t see that things will get better.

This is why this series is called ‘hope’ – because I wanted people to know that hope is possible to grasp hold of. No matter how dark your world may seem at the moment, you are strong enough to lift your head a little bit to see a bit further, or lift your arm up to wave for help.

You never know what’s going through someone’s head, encourage people always.

There are too many tragic deaths where friends + family ‘didn’t see the signs’ because they ‘looked happy’.

But depression + suicide has nothing to do with happiness + everything to do with hope. ‘Looking happy’ is something we can fake, but having true joy + hope is what anchors us to the present + keeps us walking toward tomorrow’s better day.

Hence, why creating an atmosphere of hope is so important… because people are important.

And it’s important to create space that’s so bright that when people come into contact with it, the darkness that fills their world becomes illuminated, + they can see a little clearer + further ahead….

// “hope is the dream of a soul awake.” – French Proverb